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Introduction: Marriage Isn’t Just an “I Do”—It’s a Journey of Preparation
In a world where fleeting relationships and divorce are increasingly common, the Catholic Church continues to proclaim the beauty and permanence of marriage as an indissoluble sacrament, a sacred bond that reflects Christ’s love for His Church (Ephesians 5:25).
But how can couples ensure that this commitment isn’t just a romantic dream, but a well-founded reality? The answer lies in the deep, honest conversations that couples must have before getting married.
This article isn’t just a checklist of topics to discuss—it’s a spiritual and practical guide to help engaged couples build a strong marriage, rooted in faith and reason.
1. The Importance of Talking Before Marriage: A Biblical and Historical Perspective
From the Beginning, God Wanted Man and Woman to Know Each Other
In Genesis, Adam and Eve were created for each other, but before they were united, God gave them time to know one another (though in their case, it was instantaneous). In our human reality, courtship is that time of discernment, where two people explore whether they are called to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
Courtship in Catholic Tradition
In the Middle Ages and up until just over a century ago, marriages were often arranged for political or economic reasons. However, the Church always insisted on the free consent of the spouses. Today, even though we choose our partners, we must not fall into the error of thinking that romantic love is enough. True love is built through dialogue, prayer, and shared purpose.
2. Key Topics Every Catholic Couple Must Discuss Before Marriage
A. Faith and Beliefs: Are We on the Same Spiritual Page?
- How do we live out our faith daily? (Sunday Mass, prayer, sacraments).
- What does sacramental marriage mean to each of us?
- How will we handle differences in religious practice? (E.g., one is more traditional, the other more “modern”).
- How will we integrate God into our home? (Family Rosary, grace before meals, raising children in the faith).
“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” (Psalm 127:1).
B. Extended Family: In-Laws, Siblings, and Healthy Boundaries
- What role will our in-laws play in our lives? (Support vs. interference).
- How will we handle family conflicts?
- Will we celebrate holidays and traditions with both families?
🔹 Advice: Setting loving boundaries is key. Marriage means “leaving father and mother” (Genesis 2:24), but without neglecting the Fourth Commandment (“Honor your father and mother”).
C. Children: How Many? How Will We Raise Them?
- Do we accept the Church’s teaching on openness to life? (Humanae Vitae).
- How many children do we want? (Remember, natural family planning is the Catholic option).
- How will we educate them in the faith? (Catechism, Catholic school, sacraments).
- What will we do if we face infertility? (Consider adoption or discern a call to spiritual parenthood).
⚠️ Warning: If one wants children and the other doesn’t, this is a serious obstacle. Catholic marriage is, by nature, ordered toward procreation.
D. Finances: Will We Manage Money Wisely?
- Will we have joint or separate bank accounts?
- How will we handle debt? (Loans, credit cards).
- Will one of us stay home while the other works? (Valuing homemaking as a sacred vocation).
- How will we tithe and support the Church? (Giving is an act of faith).
💡 Practical Wisdom: Avoid unnecessary debt before the wedding. Many marriages suffer from financial problems that could have been prevented.
E. Roles in the Home: How Will We Share Responsibilities?
- Who will cook, clean, and manage the household?
- If we have children, will one of us stay home or reduce work hours?
- How will we support each other’s careers without neglecting the family?
📌 Reflection: Marriage isn’t 50-50—it’s 100-100. Both spouses must serve generously, following Christ’s example.
3. Uncomfortable but Necessary Questions
Some topics are tough, but it’s better to discuss them now than regret it later:
- What would we do if one of us loses faith?
- How will we practice chastity during engagement? (Avoiding sin and near occasions of temptation).
- Do we accept the indissolubility of marriage? (No to divorce, yes to reconciliation).
Conclusion: A Well-Prepared Courtship Leads to a Blessed Marriage
Engagement isn’t just a time for romance—it’s a time for serious discernment. As St. John Paul II said: “Love consists not in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
If you want a happy marriage, pray together, speak honestly, and seek spiritual guidance. The Church offers pre-Cana courses and mentorship from priests or experienced married couples. Don’t underestimate this preparation.
In the end, a Catholic marriage isn’t just a human union—it’s a covenant with God. And like any great work, it needs a solid foundation.
Are you ready to build yours?
Would you like a more detailed guide on any of these topics? Leave your questions in the comments!
📖 “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24).*
